To say the least, making six zines thus far has been a journey. I started this whole project with no expectations other then to reach people and create some sense of community. With those intentions I shaped Cazineque and turned it into something I'm proud of and excited to continuously work on. As alone and independent as it felt in the start, I felt like I've been able to lean on others, swap ideas, and truly collaborate making the process fun and interactive.
It hasn't been easy though. As I kept publishing issue after issue, I started to create expectations, deadlines, I started to treat this project which was made to be fun into something that felt tedious and at some points inauthentic to what Cazineque was made for. I got to a point of burn out, or an artistic block if you will. I think I got caught up in what the public wants to see rather then produce what I wanted. Thats not to say I couldn't do what I wanted, I followed suit with The Splatter and Punk-Catz but it was the in between where I got stuck. I chose quantity over quality, "how quick can I release this issue?" "will I meet the monthly deadline?" I regretfully resorted to, not knowing fully at the time, using Canva to organize and help me shoot out my issues. That in its self was a slap in the face as the software is heavily worked around AI tools and clipart. I was so blind and focused on just getting them done that I didn't even question the process it self. I lost the nature of what makes zines ZINES.
My first issue came out of a place of fear for my community and I took a political stance. The following issue was a deep dive on the emotional layers of death and love. And as I went on I slightly lost track of what I wanted to express. By the fourth issue I saw myself more worried about how to market the zine rather than having a view point. And thats where I struggled. It was the battle of does every zine need to be political, does every zine need to have a theme, does every zine need to be a deep dive on human emotion. But in retrospect what I think was missing wasn't the message itself but the fun, the passion. Regardless of what message or idea I had, I needed to home in on the drive I felt in the first issue and tap in on the creative aspect of the zine making.
As with anything in the artistic world, you learn from mistakes and you apply it in your future work. I believe it's also okay and in some cases beneficial to reflect and change your plan especially if you've found yourself lost in the process. Moving forward my plan with Cazineque has changed, not in its purpose or message, but in its merit. I want to produce and publish work that I believe in and will choose quality over quantity for the sack of keeping that drive I had in the beginning.